


I Want Something Real

by DreamsOfSleep



Category: New Girl
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Cheating, Developing Relationship, F/M, Non-Graphic Smut, One Night Stands, marital separation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 09:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 9,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6977947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamsOfSleep/pseuds/DreamsOfSleep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jess meets Sam, she thinks he's The One, but she finds herself stuck in an unhappy marriage with him after their initial passion runs out. They decide to get a trial separation and she starts falling for Nick, the cute bartender at The Griffin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Spencer The Cheater

**Author's Note:**

  * For [newgirlystuff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/newgirlystuff/gifts).
  * Inspired by [One Night Stand](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6963244) by [DreamsOfSleep](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamsOfSleep/pseuds/DreamsOfSleep). 



> This is a multichapter expansion of my drabble "One Night Stand" at the request of Newgirlystuff. Hope you like it!
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this more confident Nick Miller who knows exactly what he wants. This version of Nick does think about the future and he's the one telling Jess "I'm ready for it" when Jess is the one pulling away from him and saying she's not. That role reversal was a really interesting dynamic to write.
> 
> This is my first major foray into writing more involved smut scenes. Nothing graphic (it's all suggestive), but definitely heavier than anything I have done in the past. It was an interesting challenge since I haven't done anything like that before.
> 
> There's also a lot of fun couple-y Nick/Jess stuff in this fic since this is an AU for their developing relationship.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess finds out Spencer is cheating on her and ends their six-year relationship.

_Six years down the drain._

That’s the phrase that went through Jess’s head as she sat in her trench coat in Cece’s parked car in front of what was formerly her and Spencer’s house. 

\---

She had been really upset that Spencer had called their sex life ‘vanilla’ and decided to do something about it that afternoon. She had decided to be bold and surprise him in the middle of the afternoon with a sexy striptease. She had been anxious in the taxi the whole way there, feeling both excited and uncomfortably exposed wearing nothing but her trenchcoat. When she had entered their house, Spencer came out wide-eyed from their bedroom and asked what she was doing home so early. She thought his bewildered expression was just due to him being surprised and continued on with the sexy routine she had rehearsed. That’s when she saw Michelle exit their bedroom. She froze for a split second and all three of them just stared at each other. Humiliated, she grabbed her trenchcoat from the floor, threw it back on around herself, and rushed out the front door.

She called her best friend Cece from the park near their house. 

“He was cheating on me, Cece,” she sobbed.

“Oh, honey…”

“Can you come get me? I’m in the park near our…his…house.”

\---

Cece came in like a mama bear hurling obscenities at Spencer and berating him for being a “grade A cheating douchebag” as she gathered up Jess’s stuff and packed it into her car. 

When Cece was done loading the car, she got back in the driver’s seat and hugged Jess tightly to her as she cried.

“Don’t worry, Jess. You’ll come live with me and I’ll take care of everything. You’ll never have to see that cheating scumbag’s face again,” Cece said as she rubbed Jess’s back comfortingly.


	2. The Rebound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cece takes Jess to The Griffin to find a rebound.

Jess spends four weeks at Cece’s apartment crying and eating junk food while she watches “Dirty Dancing” on a continuous loop. Cece tolerates it; she knows this is Jess’s breakup routine.

\---

After four weeks, Cece invites Jess to come out with her to a bar. It was time to get Jess a rebound.

“I don’t know about this, Cece…” Jess says as Cece helps her pick out an outfit and do her makeup.

“This will be good for you, babe,” Cece says confidently. “I know Spencer hurt you but you can’t stop yourself from caring about him, because you’re you, Jess. You can’t get him out of your system until you find someone new.”

\---

They go to a local dive bar near Cece’s apartment called The Griffin. They sit in a corner booth with their drinks and observe the people in the bar.

“See anybody you like, Jess?” Cece asks her.

Her eyes lock with a tall, dark, and handsome stranger across the room and she smiles.


	3. Friends With Benefits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess and Sam become friends with benefits.

She felt a connection with Sam instantly. That raw animal magnetism that made her go home with him the first night she met him, despite her better judgment. _‘Old Jess would never do anything like this,’_ she thinks to herself. _‘New Jess is someone who tall, dark, and handsome strangers at the bar choose to take home with them. Take that, Spencer.’_

After their first night together, she wakes up next to him the next morning and watches him sleep. His large, warm presence in the bed makes her feel happy and safe. She thinks to herself, _‘I can see myself with him.’_ It is the first time in six years that she has thought about herself with anyone other than Spencer.

\---

She starts staying over at Sam’s place every night. Every time she tries to get him to come back to her apartment to stay over, he declines. She swallows down the sad, heartsick feeling she gets every time he shoots her down and chalks it up to him just wanting to take their new relationship slow.

\---

Whenever she refers to their time together as a "relationship," Sam smirks a little and says, “Don’t be so uptight. We don’t need labels; we’re just having fun!” She wants to be ‘New Jess,’ the cool, confident girl he first met in the bar and fell in love with so she pretends that’s all she wants too.

\---

After being with Sam for two months, she starts to realize that he never talks to her, not really. All they do pretty much is make out with each other or have sex. They never do normal couple things like go out on real dates or spend nights in making dinner together and watching TV. After two months she still barely knows him. She's never met any of his friends or family. She doesn't even know what he does or where he works. She wishes he would let her into more of his life.

\---

One night at the bar she tells him she wants something serious, more than just friends with benefits. He says he’s not interested and maybe they should stop seeing each other. He leaves her sitting in the bar by herself crying into her pink wine. 


	4. Thirsty Mendelson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AKA The Prettiest Girl in the Whole Bar

Nick had noticed her the first time she came into his bar. In a city full of bleach blondes and stick thin models who all blended into boring sameness, her understated makeup, vintage skirts, and raven hair made her seem like she had just stepped out of another era. She reminded him of a glamorous movie star from the 50s, someone who might have been in one of those old black and white films he used to watch with his parents when he was a kid.

He tries not to be a creep and stare at her but he can’t help himself from being drawn to her. He tries to be furtive about it and watch her from afar. She was rarely alone; she often came in with a tall, statuesque Indian model-type or a tall, handsome guy who he assumed was her boyfriend. He noticed her drink of choice was pink wine; her limit was usually four glasses. 

\---

Schmidt catches him staring at her one day and gives him a look.

“Go talk to her, Nick.” 

“I can’t do that, Schmidt. That breaks the first rule of bartending: _Never cross the bar._ Because once you cross the bar, it gets messy.” 

“Nick, this is pretty much the first girl you’ve been interested in since Caroline. Go talk to her.”

“Yeah, and we all know how that turned out. What I have with Thirsty right now is perfect. Why would I ruin that?” 

“Thirsty?” Schmidt holds back a laugh.

“I don’t know her name so I call her Thirsty Mendelson,” he says with a shrug.

\----

One night he sees that she is by herself in the booth. That tall, handsome guy hasn’t been around in a while; Nick thinks they broke up. She seems sad, looking down into her glass of pink wine. It’s almost closing time; she is the last person left in the bar.

He hesitates for a few seconds before crossing the bar and walking over to her table. She glances up at him. “Do you want another pink wine?” he asks her. She shakes her head. “I’m Nick, by the way.”

“I’m Jess,” she says. 

“Do you need a ride home, Jess?”

She nods.

“Alright, just let me lock up and we can go.”

\---

He tries to think of interesting things to say to her on the drive to her house, but his mind is blank. He can feel his palms sweating. They drive in silence and he sees her looking out the window away from him.

They arrive at her apartment building and she turns to look at him. “Thanks for driving me home, Nick,” she says.

“Sure thing, Jess,” he says. He curses himself that this is pretty much the only thing he got up the nerve to say to her all night.

He watches her walk away from his car and into her apartment building.

He turns her name over in his head as he drives home: _Jess. Her name is Jess._


	5. Put A Ring On It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess and Sam get serious.

It’s been a month since she stopped seeing Sam. She has tried dating other people but none of her dates have gone anywhere. 

\---

One night she sees him at the bar. He approaches her table where she is sitting alone with her usual glass of pink wine.

“Hi, Jess,” he says to her. 

She still can’t help the way her heart beats faster whenever she sees him. 

“Hi, Sam,” she says shyly.

He places his hand over hers lying palm down on the table.

“I miss you, Jess. I want to get back together. I want something serious too.”

It’s a perfect fairytale moment; that’s all she had wanted to hear from him since the day she had met him. Her heart does a little happy dance as he bends down to kiss her.

\---

She’s so happy that she gets to introduce Sam as her boyfriend now. Her boyfriend, the tall, handsome, successful doctor. Her family and friends all tell her to “put a ring on it” since she’ll never find anybody more perfect than him. They are the perfect couple.

\---

They date for another year. They do all the normal couple things she yearned for when they first started seeing each other and she meets his family and friends. She keeps hoping Sam will pop the question, but he seems to be dragging his feet. She meekly asks him if he ever thinks about their future. He says what they have now is good; he tells her work is too busy and they should wait for a better time. 

Finally when she can stand it no longer, she blurts out “Do you want to get married?” to him as they lie next to each other in bed one night. He says okay and she is happy again.


	6. Everything You Wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimpses into Jess and Sam's marriage over the years.

She has been married to Sam for four years.

\---

The marriage ceremony was beautiful. Picture perfect. She wore an ivory dress with a sweetheart neckline and custom lace beading; he wore his best suit with the blue tie that matches her eyes. They read their vows and there wasn’t a single dry eye in the house. Her heart thrilled at the sound of the pastor declaring them “husband and wife.” They looked into each other’s eyes as they waltzed in the reception hall with all their family and friends looking on. It was exactly how she dreamed it would be.

\---

He used to kiss her goodbye every morning. 

One day he forgot.

Then he forgot for an entire week.

Then he stopped doing it altogether. 

She lies in bed in the morning and pretends to be asleep as she listens to him get ready for work. She keeps hoping one day he’ll remember.

\---

He used to take her out on real dates.

They used to go dancing or to the movies or to the bar. 

Now he just tells her to go with her friends.

Whenever he is with her, he seems like he is bored or like his mind is elsewhere. She sees him looking at other women when he thinks she isn’t paying attention. She shrinks down in her seat and wishes she were prettier or more interesting. 

_‘He used to look at me like that,’_ she thinks wistfully.

\---

He used to rush home whenever he could to see her. Now he says work is too busy.

She used to wait up for him when he had night shifts and he would snuggle up against her when he came home in the early morning hours. Now he just sleeps at the hospital. 

One day she finds his coat stained with cherry red lipstick. She cries herself to sleep but she doesn’t confront him or tell anyone else. Everyone keeps telling her what a perfect couple they make; she doesn’t want to spoil the illusion. 

She stops wearing her wedding ring; he never notices.

\---

Now she lies awake at night in the fancy house that Dr. Sam bought for them and wonders where he is. He said he was at work, but when she called there looking for him, one of his coworkers said he already left for the day. She wonders which of his coworkers he is hooking up with and what lie he will tell her tomorrow.

She can’t bring herself to care too much about it; she’s already spent all her tears crying her heart out over him.

She wishes she and Sam were how they used to be, when he still loved her.

\---

One night she waits up for him. When he opens the door, she can see the surprise on his face when he sees she’s still awake. She hasn’t waited up for him in forever.

“Sam, I think we should spend some time apart for a while,” she says to him.

He shrugs and says okay.


	7. One Night Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "One Night Stand" from Jess's perspective.

She sits in a booth at The Griffin and nurses a Shirley Temple. She keeps thinking about how Sam reacted to her asking him for a “trial separation” and the more she thinks about it, the angrier she gets.

 _‘I’m supposed to be his wife, the most important person in his life, and he doesn’t even care enough to even pretend to be upset about it,’_ she thinks to herself as she stabs the ice cubes in her drink with her straw.

_‘He’s probably having sex with someone else right now. He’s probably happy that we’re separated because now he doesn’t have to lie about being at work. He probably wanted this to happen. He probably thinks this gives him a break from having to pretend to care about my feelings so he can just go around and sleep with whoever he wants without feeling guilty. He probably thinks we’ll just get back together eventually when I’m done being ‘needy’ by asking him to spend time with me, that I’ll beg him to take me back. He probably thinks I’ll always be his nice little wife sitting at home waiting up for him.’_

She looks around the bar and catches Nick’s eye before he quickly looks away from her, embarrassed that she caught him staring at her. She feels a devious smile cross her face, _‘Well two can play at that game.’_

\---

She can tell Nick likes her because every time she comes here, she keeps catching him looking over at her when he thinks she doesn’t notice. He’s even driven her home a couple of times, but he’s barely even spoken to her, let alone made a move on her. _‘He’s probably too shy or something,’_ she thinks to herself. She feels a pang of guilt at using Nick’s feelings for her to get back at Sam but she quickly shoves it down. _‘Sam wouldn’t feel guilty about doing this. It’s just sex anyway,’_ she says to herself.

She stays until closing time. When the last patron leaves, she leans across the bar, grabs Nick by the front of his shirt, and kisses him.

\---

He agrees to go home with her, just like she thought he would. He’s a really great kisser. She can tell he’s really into her just in the way he keeps pressing his hands on her back and into her hair like he can’t get close enough to her, like he has to feel every inch of her and mark her as his with his hands. It makes her feel good for the first time in a long time, to have someone really want her. Sam just stopped trying after a while…there was always someone more attractive or more interesting that took his attention away from her.

They stumble into her bedroom and start taking off their clothes. She sees him pause when he sees the framed picture by the bed. Her and Sam’s wedding picture. _Busted._

She tries to kiss him again to distract him, but he pulls away from her, panting. “You’re married?” 

“Separated.” She tries to act casual about it with a shrug, like it’s no big deal and she has one night stands all the time like Sam has probably been doing the entire time they were together.

“Not single,” he shoots back. He looks angry and hurt.

“It’s just sex, Nick.” She tries to act cool and confident about it like Sam would.

“Not to me, Jess.” 

She feels guilty for hurting him. She thought they both just wanted sex; she didn’t know he actually _like_ liked her and thought this was more than just sex.

He starts putting his clothes back on. He walks to her bedroom door but pauses in the doorway and looks back at her. 

“Let me know when you figure out what you want. You know where to find me.”


	8. Dream Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "One Night Stand" from Nick's perspective.

It’s closing time and everyone has left the bar except for her.

 _‘Maybe she needs a ride,’_ he thinks to himself. He’s driven her home a few times before, but he’s always been too nervous to say much to her on the drive. Maybe this time could be different and he can actually ask for her number. Or if he’s brave enough, ask her out on a real date.

He walks to stand in front of her to ask if she needs a ride home and suddenly she is pulling him to her by the front of his shirt and kissing him for all she’s worth.

He doesn’t believe it; he thinks he must be dreaming. _She likes him back._ The whole time he was trying to get up the nerve to talk to her, maybe she was dropping all these hints to him and trying to get up the nerve to talk to him too. 

_“Come home with me,”_ she says breathlessly once she pulls back from him.

He’s never been a guy to have a lot of one night stands; if he likes a girl, he always falls hard for her. He doesn’t want to just hook up with her and then sneak out in the middle of the night. He wants to wake up with her the next morning and make her breakfast and spend the day with her. He’s also too afraid of the unknown. He’s never asked a girl out unless he’s known with absolute certainty that she liked him back. He never does something unless he knows the outcome. He’s the guy on the beach guarding the wallets when everyone else is running into the ocean. 

But maybe it had to happen this way. It would probably have taken him years to work up the nerve to talk to her, let alone ask her out. And above all else, he focuses on the fact that she likes him back. She made the first move. That means something. 

_“Okay,”_ he breathes out. 

They drive in their separate cars back to her place.

\---

Once they both get out of their cars at her place, she starts kissing him hard again, pressing him up against the side of his car. He really likes kissing her; he thinks he could kiss her forever. He likes the way his hands fit against her body and the breathy sounds she makes when he tries to pull her closer so he knows she likes what he’s doing. _God, he wants to touch her everywhere._ He feels that pull of want for her inside his chest so he knows that he has it bad for her.

They keep kissing with their hands all over each other as they stumble up onto her porch. She fumbles to unlock the door and then they stumble inside and make it upstairs to her bedroom.

They start taking off their clothes. He pushes her back against the bed and hovers over her. The framed picture on the nightstand catches his eye. She is in a white dress with a veil and the tall, handsome guy is standing beside her in a suit. He feels the bitter taste of regret fill the back of his throat. He knew it was too good to be true.

She tries to kiss him again but he pulls back from her, panting. “You’re married?”

She shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Separated.”

“Not single,” he shoots back at her. He’s hurt and angry. _This is Caroline all over again. Him falling in love with the idea of her before he ever got to know her._ He wishes he could go back to an hour ago when he was still in the bar and before he learned all this. He just wants to hang onto that delusion of her a little while longer.

“It’s just sex, Nick,” she says to him and that pisses him off even more.

 _‘It’s not going to be like Caroline this time,’_ he tells himself. _‘I’m not going to sit around and pine for her and hope she likes me back or makes time for me in her life whenever she feels like it.’_

With those thoughts running through his head, he is able to say to her: “Not to me, Jess.”

He is able to pull himself away from her and put his clothes back on.

He walks to her bedroom door. He pauses in the doorway and looks back at her one last time.

“Let me know when you figure out what you want. You know where to find me.”

\---

After leaving her house, he just sits in his car parked outside. He bangs his hands on the steering wheel in frustration.

He wishes he could be one of those guys who could just shut off his feelings and sleep with her ( _‘You could have slept with her, ya idiot!’_ his reptilian brain says.), but he knows that means she’ll just leave him. As cheesy as it sounds, he knows he just wants to find someone to love him who will love him back. He doesn’t know what makes him so inherently unlovable that no one wants to stick around. 

He really did like her.

He sighs to himself before starting his car and driving home.


	9. Getting To Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick and Jess learn to know each other.

She seeks him out the next day at the bar.

She reaches out to grab his arm from across the bar so he’ll look at her.

“I’m sorry, Nick. I’m sorry for what I did to you. I was angry at my husband Sam but that’s no excuse.”

“I don’t like being used, Jess. I didn’t just want to sleep with you; I wanted to get to know you. I like you, but I have this problem where I build people up in my head. I don’t know you at all, but I think I’d like to.” 

“I’m a mess, Nick. I don’t think you want to get to know me.”

“I don’t want to get in the middle of whatever you have going on with your husband, but if you want to be friends, I’d like to be your friend.”

She’s touched. No guy has ever made the effort to just want to be around her before without wanting something else first.

“I think I would like to be your friend too.”

\----

She starts hanging out with him at the bar.

Nick thinks that once he gets to know her, he’ll just get over her. _‘It’s just an infatuation like Caroline was,'_ he thinks. But the more he gets to know her, the more he wants to be around her. He thinks she’s smart and funny and gorgeous. He loves making her smile, seeing the way her whole face lights up and her eyes turn that intense shade of blue. She doesn’t look at him and see “just a bartender” like Caroline did. She’s a dreamer, the eternal optimist, and she always sees the best in people. She makes his life better. He looks forward to seeing her every day. 

He curses the universe and why it allowed her to meet Sam before she met him, why it made her someone else’s instead of his. If he had her, he would never let her go. He realizes he still wants her, even if she belongs to someone else. Sometimes she looks at him and he thinks he sees something there behind her eyes before she shoves it back down again. Sam lost her, but Nick thinks he can find her again and make her his.

\---

Jess knows she belongs to someone else, but she can’t help but be drawn to Nick. She likes his kind eyes, the way he looks at her and seems perpetually amazed by her. She likes his intense focus on her face when they are together, treating her like she is the most important person in the world. 

She likes his honesty, hearing the conviction in his voice when he really cares about something, how he is a guy who believes in showing up. She likes his wicked sense of humor, seeing that glint in his eye, the way his eyes crinkle up when he smiles. 

She wants to be around him all the time. To see that affection he saves only for her in his eyes, to hear his raspy voice say her name, to feel his rough hands loving and tender on her, to feel his arms around her making her feel safe and loved. She wants him. 

She can tell he’s trying to fight it, but he wants her too. 

Maybe she isn’t supposed to belong to Sam…maybe she was supposed to find Nick all along.


	10. True American

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick invites Jess to Schmidt's loft to play True American.

Nick invites her to his friend Schmidt’s apartment to play “True American."

She likes seeing him cut loose with his friends. He’s silly and funny and absurdly charming. 

She learns he is an affectionate drunk and he keeps finding excuses to touch her in a way that he seems to be holding back on when they’re hanging out at the bar when he’s working. 

\---

They end up getting locked behind the Iron Curtain together.

They sit side by side with their backs to the door.

”KISS KISS KISS” his friends shout from the other side.

He smiles at her apologetically. “We don’t have to kiss, Jess. We can just talk until they get bored and let us out.”

“How are things going with you and Sam?” he asks, his voice carefully neutral.

“I haven’t heard from him since we separated. Maybe he just gave up on us,” she says in a dejected voice. 

He hates to see her sad, hates Sam for doing that to her. “Maybe he’s just planning his big romantic gesture,” he says encouragingly. “You’re the type of girl a guy would come back for.”

She looks into the middle distance, lost in thought. “I was with Spencer for six years and then I met Sam right away and then we got married. I thought they both loved me, but then they both fell out of love with me and cheated on me. Maybe I just ignored all the signs because I was just scared of being alone.”

“We’re all scared of being alone, Jess. But I would rather be alone than be with someone who makes me miserable every day. You both shut yourselves off from finding happiness by trying to hang onto each other because you think you should.” He turns to her and says fervently, “You deserve to be happy, Jess.”

She looks at the earnestness of his face turned towards her. His eyes are intense, burning into hers. His hand is warm on her knee. Their faces slowly start inching towards each other and Jess’s heart gives a big *ker-thump*, but Nick turns away from her. 

“Not like this, Jess.”

She’s hurt that he doesn’t want to kiss her. _‘I guess he doesn’t like me that way anymore. He learned who I really am and he doesn’t want me anymore, just like Spencer, just like Sam. I screwed up my chance with him. Now he just wants to be friends, when I want something more.’_

He stands up to jimmy the door of the Iron Curtain open and peeks out into the hallway. 

His friends have gotten bored with them and gone off to see how many maraschino cherry stems his friend Schmidt can tie into a knot with his tongue in 60 seconds.

His friends are distracted and they are able to sneak back into the living room to resume playing True American without anyone bringing up the kiss again.

\---

Everyone else has gone home or gone off to bed and it’s just the two of them in the living room. She’s gathering her things and getting ready to leave; her taxi has just arrived downstairs.

“I had a really good time tonight, Nick,” she says sincerely. She is leaning back against the front door with her hand on the doorknob.

“Me too, Jess. I’m glad you came.” He is standing in front of her. Their faces are close together again like before. He thinks if he leaned in he could kiss her. He sees something unreadable pass over her face before she turns away from him and twists the doorknob.

“Goodnight, Nick. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she says quickly. She opens the door and starts to walk out when suddenly he grabs her arm and pulls her back towards him. He presses his mouth to hers forcefully, channeling all the months of pent-up frustration and desire at not being able to do so when it’s the only thing he can think about when she’s around him. His hands travel up her back and into her hair, pressing her to him. He feels her hesitate for a split second before her arms wrap around his neck and she is desperately kissing him back, pushing up into him. He pulls back to catch his breath but then he dives back in to kiss her two more times, just because he can. He leans his forehead against hers with his eyes closed. They are both breathing hard. He opens his eyes and gazes into hers. 

“I don’t want to just be your friend, Jess,” he says to her stunned face. 

He abruptly turns and walks away from her and into Schmidt’s spare bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Different AU = different "Cooler" kiss :) 
> 
> Note that this version of Nick doesn't need a trenchcoat to be brave. He's already there; he knows what he wants and it's Jess.


	11. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick takes Jess out on their first date.

The next week when Nick asks her to go out on a date with him, she says yes. He’s relieved that they aren’t going to keep pretending they’re just friends, that she can feel what he’s feeling to.

\---

Nick doesn’t tell her where they’re going. He says he wants to surprise her but that she should get all dressed up.

He picks her up at her house at 8:30 on a Friday night. She sees him in a suit and tie for the first time. She thinks he looks even more attractive than he usually does, so debonair and handsome and put-together. 

“Wow,” he says sincerely when he sees her in her fitted red dress. “You look great.” He always thinks she’s gorgeous but when he thinks he’s seen it all, the light changes and she looks brand new to him all over again.

She can’t help it; her face lights up. It’s been a while since she heard a guy say that to her and actually mean it.

\---

Nick drives them to the Pacific Dining Car restaurant in Santa Monica. Stepping into the restaurant is like stepping back in time to classic old LA. The entire place is done up like a 1920s railway dining car. The tables are all covered with elegant white tablecloths and surrounded by plush high-backed chairs. There are quiet, intimate booths upholstered in muted shades of red and green. The wood-paneled walls have shiny brass accents and all the waiters have old school manners and wear ties with dinner jackets. The entire atmosphere of the restaurant recalls a time when spending a night out on the town actually meant something. 

Nick is the perfect gentleman. He opens the passenger door of his car for her and offers her his arm to walk her inside the restaurant. He pulls out her chair and pours the wine for her. Unlike Sam, he doesn’t look away from her to scan the room for more attractive women or flirt with the waitress or play with his phone. He looks at her like she is the only one in the room; she always has his full attention. 

He flirts with her and tells her about growing up in Chicago.

She flirts back and tells him about growing up in Portland. 

She likes that he can focus his full gaze on her and doesn’t keep glancing away like he used to do in the bar. His molten eyes are all over her face, drinking her in. 

\---

After dinner, they go walking on the Santa Monica Pier. He takes her to the amusement park. The glow of the park’s neon lights against the night sky makes the place feel otherworldly. They compete against each other in skee ball and play whack-a-mole. He wins her a stuffed hedgehog on the ring toss and she gives him a kiss on the cheek for it, which makes him blush. 

They ride the Ferris wheel and he smiles at her delighted gasp at the top when she sees the California coastline sprawled out before her all lit up. He pulls her against him so that her head rests against his shoulder, wrapping his arm around her and keeping her warm against the slight chill in the night air. 

They split a funnel cake and when she gets powdered sugar all over her lips, he reaches out with his thumb to wipe it away. She can feel her heart speed up from his touch. 

\---

When it gets late, they drive to her house in comfortable silence. She feels sleepy and content on the passenger side watching him drive.

When they get to her house, he opens the passenger door for her and he walks her up to her front door. 

“I had a really good time tonight, Jess,” he says.

“Me too, Nick.”

She is looking up into his face. She feels butterflies in her stomach. His left hand cups the side of her face as he leans in to kiss her goodnight and it feels like a first kiss, firm and tender. She remembers that she always thought he was a great kisser and that hasn’t changed no matter how many times he kisses her. The kiss makes her go weak in the knees and when he pulls back, her lips can’t help but chase his slightly. Their foreheads are touching and she can see his pleased half smile when she opens her eyes. She thinks fleetingly about inviting him in; she kind of really wants to. But unlike other guys she has dated, he doesn’t push her to come inside. He just leans in for one more quick kiss, a quick press of his mouth against hers, and then whispers, “Night, Jess. I’ll call you tomorrow,” before he steps back from her and walks back to his car. She watches him drive away before she goes inside.

\---

And unlike other guys she has dated who have games and rules about when they can call her and how much they are allowed to show her they care, he actually calls her the next morning, bright and early, and tells her he can’t stop thinking about her and asks her out on another date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to do a more unique first date for them than the typical dinner/dancing/movie type date since I thought that would be too much of a rehash of what I did in "Paradise Nick and Paradise Jess Take On New Orleans," where Nick takes Jess to a jazz club for dinner and dancing.
> 
> The Pacific Dining Car restaurant and amusement park on the Santa Monica Pier are both real places that are classic LA. I thought about having Nick take Jess to the Griffith Observatory to look at the LA night sky, but when I looked at a map, it seemed too far for them to realistically drive there from downtown LA and still have time to do anything else. I also liked the contrast between the formality of the Pacific Dining Car restaurant and the more casual feel of the amusement park. That kind of works as a metaphor for the developing intimacy in a relationship.


	12. Keeping It Casual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick and Jess's relationship develops. She wants to keep things casual; he pushes for more.

She tells him she wants to keep things casual. She always rushes into relationships and she wants to take things slow this time. She thinks fleetingly of the fact that she is still married and thinks that keeping things casual is for the best. 

“I can do casual,” Nick tells her, ignoring the tight feeling in his gut. The green-eyed monster inside him gnashes its teeth, jealous of all the other guys that made it past ‘casual’ with her. He hates that they hurt her so that this is what she wants now, but he’ll take it if that means he gets to call her his, however loosely.

\---

They start spending more and more time together. Even if they aren’t on an official date, she likes just being around him, hanging out. Sometimes she catches him smiling at her from across the room and her stomach flips.

\---

After a month, they sleep together for the first time. After progressively more and more dates, it gets harder and harder for him to leave at the end of the night. They always end up making out hot and heavy in front of her door. One night she gasps out, “Want to come up?” and he says yes.

It feels like déjà vu when they stumble into her bedroom. He notices all the framed photos she had of Sam before are gone and he feels relieved.

He pushes her back against the bed and hovers over her.

She is lying under him breathless, arching up into him. Her blue eyes are stormy with desire for him.

“This means something, right, Jess?” he pants out. He needs to hear her say the words.

“It means something, Nick,” she says breathlessly before she pulls him back down towards her again. 

\---

The next morning, he watches her sleep next to him, just watching her breathe in and out. Her back is to him, her face in profile, her raven hair fanned out over the pillow. He marvels at how gorgeous she is, how she can always manage to take his breath away when he looks at her. He kisses her alabaster shoulder and spoons her close to him, burying his face into her neck, into the curtains of her hair.

\---

They don’t mean to, but they end up sleeping over at each other’s places every night. Neither one of them seems to able to leave when they go up to each other’s door at the end of the night. They start leaving things at each other’s places and give each other their spare keys; it seems convenient. 

\---

He gets a warm pleasant feeling in his gut when he wakes up next to her in the morning. He likes watching her get ready for work, learning all these intimate details about her that no one else gets to see. He likes that she always leans in to kiss him before she has to go even when he’s still half-asleep. 

She likes that he brings her breakfast in bed on the weekends and that when she cooks at the stove he’ll sneak up to hug her from behind, his arms going around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder. 

She likes that he always reaches out for her hand when they are walking down the street. She never has to ask him to do it; he just does it because he can, because he can’t help touching her.

He likes having lazy morning sex with her and cuddling up next to her when he gets home late from working at the bar, spooning her against him and nuzzling her neck, hearing the pleased, sleepy sounds she makes when she realizes he’s come home.

\---

After another month, she says, “I can’t stay over this weekend, Nick. My dad is in town.”

“Oh? That’s cool,” he says trying to sound casual and nonchalant. “I guess I’ll see you later then, Jess.” 

He knows she always goes grocery shopping on Saturday morning and “accidentally” bumps into Jess and her dad at the grocery store.

“Jess! Long time no see,” he greets her. She glares daggers at him. _If looks could kill._

“Old friend of yours, Jess?” her dad asks her.

“Yeah, Dad, this is my _friend_ , Nick,” she says, emphasizing the word so Nick gets the hint.

“I’m Nick. It’s nice to meet you.”

He holds out his hand for her dad to shake. Her dad grips it firmly. “Hi, Nick. I’m Bob, Jess’s dad. Likewise.”

Nick can tell Jess is trying to get rid of him as she rushes through the rest of her grocery shopping but he pretends to be oblivious to her attempts. He hangs back to banter with Bob about hipsters in LA versus hipsters in Portland as they walk through the store and Jess pushes her grocery cart in front of them.

“Say, Nick,” Bob says to him. “Why don’t you join us for lunch? If you’re not busy, that is.”

“Oh, no, Dad, Nick probably has a ton of errands to run this morning…Isn’t that right, Nick? Don’t you have that _thing_ to do? Remember that _thing_?” Jess says through gritted teeth.

“Ah, I see you’re one of those important LA hotshots,” Bob jokes. “Kid still has to eat though. Think you can spare a few minutes for lunch, Nick?” Bob asks him.

“Sure, Bob,” Nick grins at him, ignoring Jess’s death glare.

\---

They go to a diner for lunch. Nick is happy that he has really hit it off with Bob. Bob is like the ultimate dad, warm and friendly with an acerbic sense of humor. 

“You seeing anyone, Nick?” Bob asks him. Nick glances at Jess.

“You know guys in their 30s, always playing the field,” Jess jokes. 

Her words hurt him, but he chooses to play along and says, “Yeah, nothing serious.” 

“A good looking guy like you, Nick? Girls should be knocking down your door.”

He smiles tightly at Bob.

\---

After lunch, Jess drives Bob back to her house so he can take a nap. Nick parks outside and waits for her to come back out.

She opens the passenger door of his car and sits inside.

He turns to her and says, “I thought you said your dad was a tough guy to get along with? He seems pretty nice; I think he really likes me.” 

“That’s because he doesn’t know we’re dating. Once he knows that, he’ll go into overprotective father mode and bury you alive,” she says to him. He can hear how she’s still annoyed at him in her voice.

“Well, maybe I can take it,” he shoots back. 

“This is too fast for me, Nick.”

“I want to meet your family, Jess. I want you to let me into the rest of your life and stop acting like you’re trying to hide me, to hide us.”

“Stop pressuring me, Nick. This isn’t what we agreed to. We agreed this would be casual.”

“Yeah? Well maybe I don’t want to be casual anymore,” Nick says back to her angrily.

They just stare hard at each other trying to get the other to break. Nick breaks first.

He lets out a large sigh and turns away from her to look out the windshield.

“Look, I’m going to Chicago for two weeks to visit my family on Monday. Just think it over and tell me what you want when I get back.” 


	13. Chicago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick brings Jess home to meet his family in Chicago.

On Monday, he sits in the airport terminal waiting for his flight to board. When he hears his flight being called, he grabs his carryon and starts to head to his gate when he hears someone calling his name. He turns around to see Jess running towards him.

“Nick, wait!” She stops in front of him and leans over trying to catch her breath. “I want to come with you and meet your family. I don’t want to be casual any more either.” He notices she has a carryon and a boarding pass clutched in her hands.

Nick can’t help the grin that breaks over his face. He cups her face and kisses her before taking her hand in his. They walk through the gate together, hand in hand.

\---

Home is just like he remembers. When he enters the front door, he can see his little cousins running around causing havoc and hear his brothers in the living room arguing with each other. The television is blaring and his mom is rushing around trying to feed everybody. It’s noisy and chaotic and it’s home.

When everyone notices Nick standing in doorway of the living room holding Jess’s hand, they all fall silent and stare at them. “Hey everyone,” Nick says. “I’m home.”

His mom comes over to give him a hug. “Hi, Nicky. I’m glad you’re home.” She gives Jess a suspicious look. “Who’s this?”

”This is Jess, Ma. She’s my girlfriend.” It’s the first time he’s said that out loud. He looks over at Jess, but her face is carefully blank.

His mom leans in to whisper in his ear. _‘First girl since Caroline?’_

 _‘Yeah, Ma. Please be nice. I really like her,’_ he whispers back.

His mom puts on her best hostess smile. “Jess, it’s lovely to meet you. Nicky, why don’t you put her stuff in your old bedroom?”

\---

He watches her as she plays with his younger cousins and talks to his brothers and their wives. Jess puts on an apron and helps his mother in the kitchen and he knows his ma is grateful for the company. She sits with his grandma and flips through family photo albums with her, learning their stories. He likes the way she fits here. He loves his family but sometimes going home can make him feel lonely. He always has to be the “responsible” one but when he looks over and sees her here with him, he can feel all the tension and anxiety drain from his body.

He’s not alone anymore.

\---

When Jess is preoccupied in the living room, he sits in the kitchen and chats with his mom as she cooks dinner.

”She’s adorable, Nicky…so much better than that Caroline.” 

“Ma…” he protests. He still can’t help defending Caroline for some reason. Old habits die hard. 

His mom rolls her eyes at him. “Fine, fine…I won’t say anything else about her. But I think you and Jess look really happy together. You two should come back at Christmas and I’ll teach her how to make my special apple pie, the one you like so much.” He smiles at his mom and hopes they make it. 

\---

At night when the house is quiet and everyone else has gone to sleep, he and Jess try to have sex on his childhood bed. The springs keep squeaking loudly and making them laugh as they try to shush each other. Finally, they give up; she gets up off of him and they curl up together under his sheets skin to skin. 

“I’m glad you came with me, Jess,” he says earnestly. Even if they don’t make it, he’s glad she came. He likes the idea of her learning all these parts of himself that he usually never shares with anyone else. It feels like they’re sharing a secret. 

“Me too,” she says into his shoulder. “I especially liked the part when you called me your girlfriend,” she teases him. 

He kisses the smirk off her face and then spoons her against him as they drift off to sleep. 


	14. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam returns.

On the flight home from Chicago, Nick looks over at Jess sleeping next to him on the plane. _She said yes. She chose to come with me to Chicago and meet my family. She wants something serious._ He thinks things could be really good between them. He allows himself to dream about what their lives will be like in the future. About getting their own place and moving in together, about getting married, about having kids. He looks over at Jess and hopes.

\---

A couple of weeks after they get back from Chicago and he’s sleeping over at her place, Nick wakes up to an empty bed. He looks over at the clock: 3AM. He hears voices downstairs. He gets up and pads downstairs in his pajamas and bare feet until he’s standing at the bottom of the stairs.

He sees Jess standing at the open door in her pink robe. She’s talking to the tall, handsome guy from the photograph. _‘Sam,’_ Nick thinks and he’s wide awake.

“What’s going on, Jess?” Nick asks warily.

“You’re with someone?” Sam asks in surprise.

“He’s my boyfriend, Sam,” Jess says.

“We’re still married, Jess,” Sam says.

“You cheated on her; you’re separated,” Nick blurts out.

“She’s still my wife, dude. What are you even doing here? Get out of my house.” Sam steps farther into the open door and into the house.

Nick gets closer to the door; Jess is still in between them. “What kind of husband are you? You were never home. And when you were here, you treated her like shit. You weren’t even here for her when she needed you. You don’t deserve her.”

Jess can tell Nick wants to punch Sam by the way he’s clenching his fists and grinding his teeth. She pushes him back into the house. “Nick! Go back inside; I’ll handle it.”

Nick really does want to punch Sam but he doesn’t want to upset Jess so he storms off to the living room, where he paces angrily. _She’s going to choose him. He’s the fancy, successful doctor. I can’t give her that life; I’m not that guy. I can only give her myself and it’s not enough. It’s never been enough._

He hears the front door shut. She comes back inside to the living room. He stops pacing and looks over at her.

“Jess…?”

“He’s gone, Nick…It’s just us.”

“Are you going back to him, Jess?” he asks her bluntly. 

She looks away from him. “We were married for four years, Nick…I can’t throw that away. I’m sorry.” 

He sits down hard on the living room sofa and runs his hands through his hair angrily. “I don’t even know how I feel about this…What was I to you? Just some distraction until he came back?” 

“I love you, Nick…” she starts to say.

“You have a funny way of showing it,” he scoffs.

“…but I have to make this work. That’s why I said I wanted to keep things casual. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I love you too, Jess, but I deserve better than this.”

He grabs his keys from the living room table and walks out of her house, slamming the front door behind him. 

\---

Nick can’t stand the thought of going back to his own apartment, where he can still see hints of her everywhere he looks. He just drives mindlessly until he finds himself in front of Schmidt’s apartment building. He ends up knocking at Schmidt’s door until Schmidt answers. 

Schmidt answers the door and looks briefly annoyed. But once he sees Nick’s face, he just stands back so Nick can enter even though it’s the middle of the night and he probably has a big presentation in the morning.

It’s times like these that Nick remembers why Schmidt is his best friend even though they can both drive each other nuts. 

Schmidt doesn’t make him talk about it. He just makes him a milkshake like how Nick used to do for him in college when Schmidt’s dad failed to show up yet again to another of Schmidt’s events when he promised he would. 

They watch a pre-recorded Chicago Bears game and Schmidt makes him two grilled cheese sandwiches with the fancy cheese he buys. 

And when Nick finally falls asleep on the couch, Schmidt puts a blanket over him and turns out the lights before going back to bed. 


	15. Sam, Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess's current relationship with Sam is a lot like their old one.

It’s been three months since she last saw Nick. She misses him; she misses the way he made her feel. There is a continuous ache in her chest like someone had cut out a piece of her heart. 

\---

Sam still works all the time and doesn’t try hard enough to make time for her.

He still looks at other women and she is still unsure if he’s really at work when he says he is or if he is meeting those mystery women in secret places. 

She still lies awake at night alone in the big fancy house that he bought them to share together. 

\---

One night while she is lying in bed next to Sam, she asks him, “Why do you love me, Sam?”

With his eyes closed and not looking at her, he replies, “Because you’re pretty and you take care of me and you take care of my house like a good wife should.”

“That’s it?” she asks him, disappointed. _His answer is all about what she can give him and no mention of what he can give her. There is no mention of her in his reply at all; he could have been talking about anybody._

“What else is there?” he says flippantly.

She hears Nick’s voice in her mind, the first time he had told her he loved her. _He had been lying in bed looking at her face as she was drifting off to sleep. Out of the blue he had said, “I love you, Jess. I like having you in my life. If I could wake up next to you every single day for the rest of my life, I would be happy. You don’t have to say it back to me; I just needed you to know.” He had spooned her to him and nuzzled the back of her neck before drifting off to sleep next to her._

_She had been stunned, her throat tight, unable to say it back to him even though she had felt it all the way deep down to the marrow of her bones. He didn’t say it because he had expected her to say it back to him; he had said it simply because he couldn’t hold it in any more. He had to tell her how he felt. She had drifted off to sleep next to him, a warm glow spreading out from her heart to the rest of her body._

_The next morning she had gotten up for work and gone into their bedroom to give him her usual kiss goodbye. She had pulled away from him and looked at his happy, sleepy expression, the one he wore every morning no matter how many times she had kissed him before. She had taken a deep breath and said, “I love you Nick. I’m sorry I didn’t say it back to you right away. You just took my breath away. I had to catch my breath so I could say it back to you too.” His smile was brighter than the sun. He had pulled her back into bed and loved her up making her late for work and she hadn’t cared._

She can’t believe she had thrown him away, thrown away all the love he had tried to give her when he had always believed that she deserved the entire world and if it was in his power to give it to her, he would.

She had made a mistake.

She sits up in bed and shakes Sam awake. 

“I don’t want to be married to you, Sam; I don’t think you want to be married to me either. We should let each other go.” 

Sam looks at her and they truly see each other for the first time in years.

“We should let each other go,” he breathes out with finality.


	16. Rewind (Begin Again)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess goes back to The Griffin to find Nick.

Nick looks up from cleaning glasses and sees Jess walking into the bar. 

He can’t help the way his heart flips at the sight of her; he hasn’t seen her in months.

She sits down at a stool in front of the bar.

He continues cleaning glasses. 

“Where’s Sam?” he asks her in a biting tone, not looking at her. _‘Guess I feel like being a jerk today,’_ he thinks to himself.

She doesn’t take the bait but calmly says, “We broke up for good, Nick. We got divorced.”

He looks directly at her and she sees something pass over his face.

“I’m sorry you got divorced, Jess,” he says. He sounds sincere.

“I’m not,” she says back to him. He raises an eyebrow at her.

“I’m sorry for what I did to you, Nick. I made a mistake. You were right. I was trying to hang onto Sam because I thought that I should. But he doesn’t make me happy. You do. I took all the love you tried to give me and I threw it away. I don’t think I can ever make it up to you, but I’d like to try. Can we start over?”

She clears her throat.

“Hi, I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Jess.” She puts out her hand for him to shake.

He plays along warily. “I’m Nick,” he says, taking her hand in his.

“I think you’re cute. Do you want to go out on a date with me?”

He gives her a crooked half-smile, the beginnings of forgiveness.

“I’d like that.”


End file.
